Palo Alto, CA — Sunday, October 17th, Area rapscallion Billy Thompson, 12, reportedly stepped out of his room with an important announcement to make: “I’m a big kid now, and I won’t be trick-or-treating this year.” His self-satisfied smile said it all — the rite-of-passage into adulthood was complete. “I really never thought trick-or-treating was fun,” added Thompson, “it was mostly something I did ironically.”

Local authorities on big-kid issues say that this is a strong move for Thompson, who will advance his social life by inviting friends to his room to crowd around a laptop playing a scary movie on Halloween in an avant-garde ‘nudist on strike’ costume, rather than going door-to-door in Palo Alto for candy. Thompson has already made plans to supply illicit sweet wine for his fellow party-goers, since “that sugar rush is really the only reason anyone might consider trick-or-treating.” Eye-witnesses, at first dumbfounded by this move, have now made plans to join Thompson in his calculatedly un-festive room this Halloween. “I can’t say I’m not concerned by Billy’s decision this year,” said his mother, Mrs. Thompson. “But who am I to get in the way of this transitional moment between sweet little kid and middle school douchebag.”

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