As uneducated voters all over the country turn out tomorrow to cast their ballots in the midterm elections, the Flipside would like to celebrate the Tenth Anniversary of the most important election of them all: the 2004 Midterm Election.
Now, ten years in the future, we can finally view with objective eyes the sweeping impact of this momentous civic event. After all, who could predict that John Hoeven of North Dakota would be re-elected? Or even Jim Douglas’s slim victory in Vermont? Yes, even Togiola Tulafono in the American Samoa got his start in this monumental election.
Wasn’t 2004 a great year for America? We laughed in theaters across the nation to the revolutionary wisecracks of Mean Girls and the devil-may-care hi-jinks of Ocean’s Twelve. But, more than anything else, we cried, we mourned, we watched as our most cherished loved ones left our lives: Rachel, Phoebe, Monica, Chandler, Ross, and of course Joey said their final goodbyes to Central Perk. It was a wonder that, a mere four months later, the American people were able to get out of bed and head to their polling place for the most important midterm election of all time. Sure, if it was a presidential election maybe that would have been different, but this was only a midterm. Such strength.
And, let’s not forget the grisly impact of the newly launched social media website [thefacebook]. With vicious ad campaigns targeting early adopters, forcing them to either ‘like’ and ‘share’ content or be instantly banished to the dark depths of hell, many constituents were turned off from the sanctified process. We caught up with Joshua Backus, one of the deeply affected voters of the era. “It was terrible. If I didn’t ‘share’ then-governor of North Carolina Mike Easely’s video, I just know the Slender-Billed Curlew would have gone extinct for sure. What was I supposed to do?”
We hope that, with tomorrow’s monumental election looming, you will all find the bravery that motivated your forefathers to head to the polling place, proudly re-instituting 98% of the House and 96% of the Senate. We know that, just as was the case in 2004, the president is not up for re-election, but we implore you to turn out nonetheless.