Until last Thursday, Cedro resident Clarence Goodman had experienced a smooth transition into life on the Farm. He joined an a cappella group, earned a some scars learning to bike with no hands, and even kissed a few lucky ladies under the light of the Full Moon on the Quad. Yet a feeling remained, a nagging thread of doubt, that there was something different between Goodman and his new friends. It was there in his friends’ knowing smiles when they watched the news, subtle nods as they flocked to CNBC and sneered at Fox, and in his roommate’s “Obama 4 Lyfe” forearm tattoo.

Goodman made the connection during a recent trip to Late Night at Arillaga, where a CNN report on gun control finally exposed his dormmates’ liberal leanings.

It began when Brad Stantlet let out a “Bro, it’s just like, I don’t even get it. Like, these guns and things, they’re just, like, they’re killing people, you know?” Almost immediately Regina Crowler, seated at a nearby table, chimed in, “I can’t, like I can’t even. Honestly. No. These guns are just ridiculous, really, it’s just ridiculous.” The rest of the table hurried to join in affirmation, nodding sagely and offering proud condemnations of “this culture of, like, violence and stuff.”

Choosing to keep his own views to himself and sinking back in his chair, Goodman simply nodded and took another bite of his garden salad. The conversation had already turned to how “bomb” it is that the table’s fries were not only organic and locally sourced but also fair-trade certified, and Goodman knew it would be best to leave it at that. It just wasn’t worth it. He’d only recently gotten over being the kid who raised his hand in the intro psych lecture to ask if he could go to the bathroom; he wasn’t about to become the sexist, racist, ignorant Republican punching bag of Wilbur. He looked around at his friends, faked a chuckle, and prepared to spend the next for years staying tactfully quiet about his political opinions.

You May Also Like

Female Cross Country Student Accidentally Buys Whole Milk

Stanford’s cross country team was thrown into chaos last week after one…

Stanford Replaces Security Guards With More Security Guards