Recently, President Obama has come under fire for refusing to approve construction of a Keystone pipeline from Alberta, Canada to the United States. Critics claim that the pipeline would have created jobs, helped boost the economy, and provided a supply of low-quality alcohol that could have satisfied the United States’ beer pong needs for centuries to come.

In an interview with the Flipside staff, Mr. Obama denied allegations that his refusal was “simply anti-American.”

“Untrue!” said the President, “I want to create jobs just as much as the next guy. I just don’t like Keystone very much. I prefer the smooth, subtle taste of a Pabst Blue Ribbon. Plus, it’s cheaper.”

The vicious and time-consuming nature of partisan politics assures that the pipeline, in either form, will not be built for several years. However, in the mean time, politicians on both sides of the aisle have agreed to build more sewers, so that the national supply of Natty Light remains strong.

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