Dear Andrew,

Let’s dispense with the formalities. We should be friends. I’m not talking Bill and Ted or Harold and Maude—I’m thinking more like Damon and Affleck. You know, just two laid-back, successful dudes that happen kick it together on the weekends and sometimes during the week when they don’t have too much going on.

Obviously you’ve got some things going for you. You’re the favorite to win the Heisman and within a year you’ll be getting paid 10+ million a year to play in the NFL. But let’s talk about what I bring to the table.

Not to brag, but I have quite a few friends. And I know a ton of girls. Like if I were to throw a party, there would definitely be girls there. Also, one of my friends has a Gamecube and a TV. Sometimes we just kick it, drink some beers, play a little Mariokart Double Dash. He only has four controllers but the games go fast so we could rotate you in pretty quickly. Speaking of beers, I know a couple guys that are 21 and one guy with a fake so you could say we’re always “well-stocked” (with alcohol, that is). Worst case scenario, we can always ask my friend’s sister to get us some stuff.

So I know you’re probably super busy with the football and school and everything. I totally am too—like, I’ve got a bunch of classes and people are always trying to get me to go to their parties and stuff—but hit me up if you’re trying to chill sometime. I could probably fit you in.

Keep it real,

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