Post Tagged with: "andrew luck"

Peyton Manning Leaves Football to Focus on his Papa John’s Commercial Career

March 12, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on Peyton Manning Leaves Football to Focus on his Papa John’s Commercial Career
Peyton Manning Leaves Football to Focus on his Papa John’s Commercial Career

After being cut by the Colts last week, Peyton Manning has decided to walk away from the game of football and into the game of Papa John’s commercials. “I’ve done a couple commercials for Papa. We even got to the super bowl once,” Peyton said as he replaced his football […]

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Hennessy: “Fuck it, We’re Going to be a Football School.”

October 31, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on Hennessy: “Fuck it, We’re Going to be a Football School.”
Hennessy: “Fuck it, We’re Going to be a Football School.”

After several years of continued success on the gridiron, President Hennessy announced that Stanford University would transfer all funds dedicated to academics to the championship-contending football program. “Honestly, the average American does not give two shits that we’re one of the best academic schools in the country,” Hennessy explained as […]

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Andrew Luck Pitches and Catches

October 11, 2011 6:00 pmComments Off on Andrew Luck Pitches and Catches
Andrew Luck Pitches and Catches

Two weeks ago, Andrew Luck showed the football community that he is not only a prolific pitcher, but he is a more than willing catcher as well. Late in the first quarter of the UCLA football game, Luck went both ways and switched positions. After taking the snap, Luck handed […]

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Andrew Luck Skips NFL, Goes Straight to Prison

October 10, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on Andrew Luck Skips NFL, Goes Straight to Prison
Andrew Luck Skips NFL, Goes Straight to Prison

Following what will surely be another amazing season, star quarterback Andrew Luck has decided to skip enrollment in the NFL and go straight to prison, a move which has excited a flurry of activity among the higher echelons of the pre-game-show douchebag world. Mark Walder, a veteran sports analyst for […]

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BREAKING NEWS: Andrew Luck Discovers Maternal Grandmother is Jewish, Will Not Play on Yom Kippur

October 6, 2011 2:45 amComments Off on BREAKING NEWS: Andrew Luck Discovers Maternal Grandmother is Jewish, Will Not Play on Yom Kippur
BREAKING NEWS: Andrew Luck Discovers Maternal Grandmother is Jewish, Will Not Play on Yom Kippur

Like all great Jewish athletes before him, all one of them, Andrew Luck will choose not to play against Colorado this Saturday because it is the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. The athlete announced his recent discovery at a news conference Tuesday night. “Some of you may have noticed that I have […]

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An Open Letter To Andrew Luck

October 3, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on An Open Letter To Andrew Luck
An Open Letter To Andrew Luck

Dear Andrew, Let’s dispense with the formalities. We should be friends. I’m not talking Bill and Ted or Harold and Maude—I’m thinking more like Damon and Affleck. You know, just two laid-back, successful dudes that happen kick it together on the weekends and sometimes during the week when they don’t […]

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Stanford To Students: “Shut the Luck Up!”

January 9, 2011 2:30 pmComments Off on Stanford To Students: “Shut the Luck Up!”
Stanford To Students: “Shut the Luck Up!”

Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck has announced that he will stay with the school to play his redshirt junior year. However, Stanford has other plans for Luck. The school has just mandated “Operation Shut the Luck Up,” a school-wide program to prevent Luck from ever leaving the school. After the Stanford […]

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Andrew Luck Fails to Get Enough Loyalty Points to Attend Big Game

November 14, 2010 3:01 pmComments Off on Andrew Luck Fails to Get Enough Loyalty Points to Attend Big Game
Andrew Luck Fails to Get Enough Loyalty Points to Attend Big Game

In what is certainly a disappointing revelation for fans of this year’s high-ranking Stanford football team, it has been discovered that star quarterback Andrew Luck does not have enough loyalty points to attend big game for free. “It’s fucking ridiculous,” stated a furious Luck at a press conference earlier this […]

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