After hearing concerns that FRENLANG 60D French Viticulture, inadequately prepared students for the experience of wine-tasting in the real world, Stanford will introduce a new course that will more appropriately teach students how to bully their lessers with their carefully curated taste in fineries. “FRENLANG 600D will introduce Stanford students […]

By Mikey Fresh Listen peeps, I’m a student and I know what it’s like to want to drink alcohol. You’re at a bitchin’ party on campus, the DJ starts spinning Ludacris tracks, and there are hotties aplenty. Suddenly you look around and other students are holding red solo cups filled […]

Provost John Etchemendy Ph.D. ’82 and President John Hennessy emailed the student body in recent weeks to announce their proposal to stymie alcohol misuse in dorms. Starting in the 2016-17 academic year, the university has proposed a ban on undergraduate students. The ban hopes to reduce alcohol transports, a growing […]

Winter Break is generally a time for Stanford students to return to their hometowns and have fun with their friends and family. Unfortunately for Freshman Timmy Jenkins, break took a turn for the worse when his parents got home from yoga to find Timmy hosting a kickback. “I left my […]

KAPPA EPSILON HOUSE—A rash of vomiting and headaches after a frat party this weekend was originally feared to have been a norovirus outbreak, but doctors and upperclassmen now agree that it was actually “just freshmen drinking too much. Again.” Several students reported gastrointestinal troubles and splitting migraines Sunday morning, and […]

Among the courses offered at SPLASH last Saturday, one of the most popular was taught by senior Dillon Bailey. According to witnesses, Bailey wandered into Memorial Auditorium while visibly intoxicated and registered to teach a course in “the good shit.” Followed into Herrin by 32 bright-eyed middle schoolers, Bailey became […]

The Stanford Office of Alcohol Policy and Education released a press statement last Thursday declaring that the battle to convince students to adopt healthy and informed drinking habits has ended, with alcohol as the clear victor. Citing everything from ubiquitous undergrad binge-drinking to the insultingly high number of drunken people […]

As part of the Office of Alcohol Policy & Education’s push for sober alternatives to high-risk drinking activities, the Philosophy department received funding to host “Thirsty for Knowledge” Thursdays, which they all but guarantee is going to be a campus-wide hit. “My friends have tried playing bingo, watching movies, and […]

Although the school year has yet to fully begin, Otero freshman Matthew Renzi has already expressed confidence that the 2nd floor double he shares with roommate Dustin McFee will be the undisputed party room of the dorm. “You know, just kind of like a chill place that has a fun […]