It seems safe, but there are seat-thefts happening every day here.

TRESSIDER UNION–Ever since there have been chairs and lunches, there have been people taking other peoples’ reserved seats. This issue recently hit a climax in Tressider Union and Axe and Palm, and campus police are seeking to rectify the problem.

Joey Frinolo, a Freshman in Junipero, told the Flipside that his seat has been stolen from him over ten times in this last year. “You wouldn’t believe it,” said the angered Frinolo, “I call squatters on my seat in Wilbur dining, and I come back five minutes later only to find it stolen. Stolen!”

Frinolo is not the only one with these kinds of horror stories. Sophomore Lucia Redman had a similar experience yesterday in Tressider when she called fives on her seat and came back to find it completely gone. “And there was nothing I could do about it,” said a sobbing Redman.

Students all around campus have been calling their seats in all sorts of ways: “Quack-quack-seat-back,” “Save my seat,” “Goo-goo my seat,” “Seat check,” and more, but this does not stop the seat-thieves.

Campus police have placed themselves strategically in high seat-theft areas such as the Paloma dining room, Olives, and Crothers Memorial Lounge, to deter these notorious seat-thieves. “What we do when we catch a seat thief is give him a big yellow warning,” said one of those campus policeman guys.

The Flipside got an exclusive interview with a Bobby, that friend who always steals everyone’s eat. “Why do I do it? Well, it’s mostly for the thrill. There’s nothing like getting in there to grab a great seat that your friend was just sitting in.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…

Stanford Admins Exasperated at Having to Send Yet Another Fucking Email About Current Events