The ASSU elections are over, and though dozens of candidates moved across campus spreading their ideas of a sustainable, tolerant and united Stanford, we think they missed many of the most important problems facing students today. We would like to take this opportunity to highlight some of these issues so that the new Senate can take action to solve our problems.
1) The Fire Truck House.
The confusion must stop! Students with dorm rooms on fire, homework on fire or who are on fire themselves will be attracted to the Fire Truck House because of its name. There, they will find a Women’s Community Center unequipped to deal with their fire-related difficulties and an LGBT center that will encourage them to accept, rather than extinguish, their flaming lifestyle.
2) Stanford Faculty TV show
It’s so easy for us as students to know our professors on a strictly professional level, but can that really reveal the drive behind their work and the truth that can be gleaned from their life experiences? No. The solution to that is simple: An Office-like sitcom published weekly on YouTube with a rotating cast of Stanford faculty. We suggest they start with economics professor Mark Tendall as Jim, Condi Rice as Pam and lovable emeritus professor of chemistry Carl Djerassi as Creed.
3) Pre-emptive invasion of FroSoCo to find WMDs.
No explanation needed.