WASHINGTON, D.C.—In light of Rush Limbaugh’s extremely popular and well received speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference, the Republican Party decided to honor the life and spirit of the infamous talk show host by dedicating the first week of April towards the promotion of activities normally conducted by Limbaugh. This week, which the Republicans have named “Rush Week,” was well received by college students across the country. This year, many college students observed Rush Week for the first time, embracing the opportunity to engage in behavior that would normally be frowned upon by their peers and by university administrators.

The most common Rush Week activity requires participants to recite illogical statements repeatedly and loudly until everyone in a participant’s vicinity concedes that the statement is true. When asked why students are doing this, Freshman Benjamin Truden explained, “It’s not every day of the year you get to emulate your favorite Republican pundit. And plus, doing stupid things is a great way to get people to like you.”

Truden’s view that participating in Rush Week helps students to be accepted by their peers was echoed by another student, Erica Meyers. According to Meyers, “If you want to be part of the party, this is just something you have to do. People who question our actions just don’t know what it means to believe in something.”

Participants of Rush Week also engaged in more extreme actions of dedication. Some were pressured into eating unhealthy quantities of food while others turned to drugs such as OxyContin to prove their dedication to Rush activities. The most dedicated Rushers, however, demonstrated their intensity by finding several people in wheelchairs and accusing them of faking their disability to gain pity and attention from others.

“For one week, Rush is fun,” said Truden. “But to be like Limbaugh every day of the year is just mind boggling. It’s truly impressive.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…