By Larry Seidman

STANFORD, CA—Stanford sophomore undergraduate Alex Tempkin was arrested last week and brought to the San Jose prison on accounts of Cycling Under the Influence.

Tempkin was alleged to have been riding his neon green Jamis bicycle at three in the morning back to his dorm when he was pulled over by the police. Tempkin told the Stanford Flipside that he was nervous, but for all the wrong reasons.
“I thought the cop was going to bust me for not having my nightlight on,” said Tempkin. “I was wrong about that.”
Tempkin had been riding around campus, falling over every twenty yards or so, and had been running into trees and curbs. He also was singing out nursery rhymes at the top of his lungs. These were the telltale signs of a drunken biker. However, what the police did not find out until the next day was that Tempkin had been completely sober the entire time, and he was just absolutely horrible at biking and enjoyed singing nursery rhymes.
When his parents were contacted about their son’s night in jail, they were quick to try and clarify the matter. His mother Judy Tempkin commented, “Well, we had him on training wheels up until junior year of high school…and, well, I always had a soft spot in my heart for Humpty Dumpty.”
Tempkin was ridiculed by all his friends, and as a punishment was sent to live in Gavilan with the freshman.

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