I’m a freshman, looking for reliable world news. It seems like every rag at the dining hall is full of amateurish journalism and/or “dick” jokes. Whenever I initiate a conversation about ISIS, people brush me off and go back to talking about banal nonsense. What can I do to spark more cosmopolitan discourse amongst my peers?


Worldly in Wilbur

Dear Worldy,

I hear you, man. The world’s cold. Not unlike that bucket I used for the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Lemme tell you, I don’t usually go for that stuff, but I got way into this thing. We’re not talking crushed-ice crap, this was full-blown cubes. It was for a good cause, so I took it like a champ. Anyway, me-talk aside: maybe we could, I dunno, hang out sometime? ISIS…Ices…there’s a connection there.


It’s great being back after the summer, and I’m so excited to see my friends again. Here’s the issue: I can’t get anywhere with these throngs of freshmen blocking my path! What’s the best way to duck the crowds and get to these trendy sophomore dorms I keep hearing about?


Enclosed on Escondido

Dear Enclosed,

Oof, people are the worst, dude. Totally…oh, speaking of the worst: you hear about this ALS Ice Bucket Challenge? Probably not, it was an underground, word-of-mouth thing. You kinda had to be nominated by someone (a friend, let’s say). I was nominated, though, even though it was super exclusive. That ice water was sooooooo cold, it was like…like FREEZING cold. I was all “Ah, this is so cold, why did you challenge me…” well, I’d tell you who challenged me, but you wouldn’t know him, he lives in Canada. He’s pretty hip, so he had me doing the ‘Llenge way back in ‘Pril.


My roommate and I are getting along, but I was hoping to be best buds. Y’know, wingman each other, hit up the Row, have deep talks until 1 AM (12:30 on school nights), that sort of thing. How do I establish that deeper level of connection with my roommate, beyond post-dorm-meeting pleasantries?


Lonesome in Loro

Dear Lonesome,

It sucks that people can’t be as close as me and my Canadian friend. Yeah, he’s so interesting, always travelling the world and meeting new people. He windsurfs, which is so baller. And he gets laid CONSTANTLY, kno’m’sayin’?! Yeah…what a card. I’m lucky to have even one friend as cool as that. Someone who just, y’know, shoots me a text once in a while. It’s chill. Not as chill as that ice water, though, amirite? Haha, yup…super chill.

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