Historians Discover Darwin’s True Theory of Evolution

February 20th, 2011

IBM’s Watson Wins Jeopardy, Now To Appear on Dancing With the Stars

After dominating the human contestants on Jeopardy, IBM’s Watson has been invited to appear on Dancing with the Stars. Impressed with Watson’s question answering abilities, viewers are excited...

February 20th, 2011

Duke Researcher Invents AIDS Cure, Has Attractive Secretary

Yesterday Dr. William Pallingham, a researcher at Duke University, announced the successful testing of a revolutionary drug capable of completely ridding a person of HIV. “The secret behind the drug...

February 16th, 2011

Stanford Students Found Revolutionary Startup That Does Nothing

SOTO–Two budding computer science majors from Soto released their latest project to the world yesterday, and tech pundits around the globe are going wild. The site, called Jitterbunk, is a revolutionary...

February 13th, 2011

God Shuts Down Egypt’s Internet As 11th Plague

Last week, in punishment for the Pharaoh-like dictatorship of Mubarak in Egypt going a bit too far, God sent the 11th plague onto Egypt. Egypt is now without the Internet. Egyptians have been rioting...

February 12th, 2011

Scientific Study Irrefutably Proves Existence of God

In one of the more interesting scientific discoveries this week, researchers have proven the existence of a benevolent and all-powerful deity, thus forever rendering ages of religious speculation and existential...

February 6th, 2011

Clone Army of Undergrad Premed Interns Created Inside SLAC

In a press release yesterday, the dean of the School of Medicine, Phillip Pizzo, declared that a clone army of undergraduate premed interns has been created inside the SLAC National Accelerator Laboratory....

January 30th, 2011

One Lost in Tragic Karel Crash

Freshman Stu Baker was emotionally scarred on Wednesday night when his Karel collided with the east wall along the eighth avenue of CollectNewsPaperKarel. A witness saw Karel allegedly move forward four...

January 17th, 2011