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Life

748 posts

Awkward! I Was Sitting on the Toilet When This Old Man Leaned His Head Under the Stall and Offered to Tell Me the Fate of Mankind If I Answered His Riddles Three

You can never get any peace and quiet these days, can you?…

Op-Ed: My Wii Fit Trainer Keeps Telling Me How the Poor Are Just Lazy and Entitled In-Between Poses, and It’s a Little Disturbing

“Let’s try the Half-Moon Pose,” she says, her silky-smooth voice sliding down…

The Secret Life of Pets 3: I Walked In On My Dog Running A Prostitution Ring in My Basement

My dog Denver has been with me since I was a wee…

Review: My Son’s Circumcision is a Solid Two Stars

Thank god for Yelp these days cause my son’s dick is looking…

I Frantically Ran Up to An Allegory of a Decrepit, Limping, Blind, Albino Man to Demand Answers Pertaining to Universal Truth

There I was, late last night, lost and dripping with confusion over…

Dear Abby, My Roommate Built a Guillotine and I’m Worried He’s Going to Execute Me

Dear Abby, Abby, you sexy omniscient bitch, I’m worried. My roommate hasn’t…

Lame Rushee Refuses to Eat Bath Bomb, Doesn’t Get a Bid

Spring has sprung, and that means two things: Greek rush, and the…

Report: Snorting Essential Oils Proven More Effective than Vaccinations, Or Maybe They Just Smell Nicer

With recent news of a measles exposure in Hoover Tower, news of…