Post Tagged with: "admissions"

Sailing Team Bribery Scandal Actually Cover Up for Black Market Organ Operation

March 20, 2019 8:46 amComments Off on Sailing Team Bribery Scandal Actually Cover Up for Black Market Organ Operation
Sailing Team Bribery Scandal Actually Cover Up for Black Market Organ Operation

Thanks to an anonymous tipster known only by the initials MTL, the Flipside has acquired substantial evidence that the Stanford sailing team’s recent racketeering scandal was in fact only a scheme meant to hide its true crimes. The sailors themselves planted the evidence that ultimately lead to federal accusations of […]

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Dean Shaw Finally Announces One Admission Mistake

October 1, 2018 10:53 amComments Off on Dean Shaw Finally Announces One Admission Mistake
Dean Shaw Finally Announces One Admission Mistake

In breaking news, Dean Richard Shaw has revealed information on Stanford’s first admissions mistake. Spoiler: it’s you. The proclamation has left thousands of other students relieved, as they are now assured of their place at America’s most prestigious university, after Harvard, probably.   “After poring over admissions records, we’ve concluded […]

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A Letter to the Class of 2019’s One Mistake

September 21, 2015 12:01 pmComments Off on A Letter to the Class of 2019’s One Mistake
A Letter to the Class of 2019’s One Mistake

Dear Amy, Yes, that Amy. You with the hair. You know who I mean. I am Fonsworth T. Clydesdale, a spirit inhabiting what you might call the astral plane. I was also a Stanford admissions mistake, Stanford’s first admissions mistake, all the way back in the hale fall of 1891. […]

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Inside the Life of a Stanford Tour Guide with a 11:00 Tour

November 5, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Inside the Life of a Stanford Tour Guide with a 11:00 Tour
Inside the Life of a Stanford Tour Guide with a 11:00 Tour

10:50: Make sure to wear my “Stanford University: Established 1885” t-shirt…just in case I forget the year Stanford was founded. 10:55: Hide from the swarm of people who think I work in Admissions. 10:59: Reappear just before the tour starts so I don’t look like a perpetually late slacker. 11:01: […]

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Stanford Reveals New Questions for Class of 2019 Application

November 3, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Stanford Reveals New Questions for Class of 2019 Application
Stanford Reveals New Questions for Class of 2019 Application

According to a representative, the Stanford Admissions office just today announced several changes to its online application. More thoughtful and profound, the application will now consist of the following essay questions:  What matters to other people and why do you give a shit?  From Mother Theresa to Nelson Mandela, some […]

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Afraid of Admitting Anything, Stanford Admissions Plummet

April 2, 2014 9:00 amComments Off on Afraid of Admitting Anything, Stanford Admissions Plummet
Afraid of Admitting Anything, Stanford Admissions Plummet

The number of admissions at Stanford fell to a record low this year, as people chose to keep more and more things a secret. “Last year I admitted that I actually had a Berkeley shirt and was glad Stanford had Pepsi products,” said Blake Billsworth ’15, “But it seems like […]

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New Stanford Admissions Process Modeled After Frat Rush

March 31, 2014 12:02 pmComments Off on New Stanford Admissions Process Modeled After Frat Rush
New Stanford Admissions Process Modeled After Frat Rush

As March comes to a close, high school seniors across the nation eagerly wait to see whether or not they will be accepted by their top college choices. For decades the admissions process at Stanford has involved application readers intensely poring over thousands of essays and engaging in hours of […]

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Stanford Receives ROTC Rejection Letter

May 22, 2011 5:03 pmComments Off on Stanford Receives ROTC Rejection Letter
Stanford Receives ROTC Rejection Letter

A few weeks ago, Stanford’s Faculty Senate voted to admit ROTC into Stanford. Late last week, however, Stanford received a letter from the military indicating that the ROTC has decided not to accept Stanford’s offer of admission. The full text of the letter reads: “Dear Stanford Faculty, I am writing […]

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Stanford Admissions Gambling Ring Exposed

May 4, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on Stanford Admissions Gambling Ring Exposed
Stanford Admissions Gambling Ring Exposed

STANFORD– In a dimly lit room in the back of Stanford’s Office of Undergraduate Admissions, a group of admissions officers once sat in silence around a table shuffling through applications. Today, the window shades have been drawn down, and one notices a faint scent of alcohol and dust upon entering. […]

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How I Got Into Stanford

January 27, 2011 10:19 pmComments Off on How I Got Into Stanford
How I Got Into Stanford

By A Mountain Lion Hello. I’m a mountain lion. You may have heard about me recently. You see, last week I was the first mountain lion in my family to make it into college. Not just any college—the college—my college—Stanford. I’m writing this because over the past several days, several […]

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