As March comes to a close, high school seniors across the nation eagerly wait to see whether or not they will be accepted by their top college choices. For decades the admissions process at Stanford has involved application readers intensely poring over thousands of essays and engaging in hours of deliberation. This year though, the admissions department has announced a surprising restructuring of the entire system that draws heavy inspiration from the typical fraternity rush process. In lieu of the Common App, Stanford will now be inviting hundreds of top candidates to a series of events across campus, such as a Car Smash and Mud Wrestling, to name a few.

“The old system worked fine for years, but it was too time-consuming and frankly too boring,” explained admissions director Gus Schafer, “Plus it’ll really give us a chance to get an in-depth look at how they’ll improve the party scene here.”

One commonality between the old and new admissions process is still the lengthy, in-person discussion over who will be accepted. However, the newly introduced discussion model involves each applicant’s Facebook profile picture projected on a screen and the app readers shouting irrelevant and usually incoherent comments about the person. “I know that this entire procedure seems malicious and illogical, but us admissions personnel can really tell who deserves a bid,” says app reader Jodie Robinson, ”We all have to have a comprehensive understanding of each applicant, notably his or her ‘chill-to-code’ ratio.”

The Stanford admissions office has high hopes for this new structure, saying that it will be “super chill.” In other news, the applications for Kappa Sigma and Sigma Chi fraternities are now available online for freshmen and personal statements for all frats are due by March 31st.

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