Poor Attendance to Jesus’ “Seminar on the Mount”

On Tuesday, Jesus of Nazareth descended from the heavens to deliver a…

Stanford Offers Refund of $200 Per Rainy Day

Freshmen from all corners of the world are up in arms over…

Stanford Students Start Attending Paly Parties

With so many Stanford frats on probation, students have resorted to going…

Rick Santorum Releases Hip Hop Record as Last Ditch Attempt to Remain in Public Eye

Sources from the campaign office of Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum report…

Students Massacre Hundreds of Pieces of Chalk

WHITE PLAZA – Tragedy struck on Monday as a bunch of chalk…

NBA Cancels Games to Allow Fans to Focus on the NFL

NEW YORK CITY—After several hours of intense deliberation, David Stern, commissioner of…

Public Schools Get Day Off Of School To Honor Mass Murderer

TOLEDO, OH—Gardner Elementary School students had no school this past Monday to…

Planned Terrorist Attack Against Saudi Ambassador Thwarted By AlertSU Text

The United States Department of Homeland Security confirmed today that the vast…

“Bros for Boobs”: Kappa Sigma Brothers to Offer Free Screenings

In an effort to promote their public image and regain their house,…