Freshmen from all corners of the world are up in arms over the past week of occasional drizzle, claiming that they were lured into accepting admission over false pretenses. People were forced to retire their flip flops for the first time this year and bikers who neglected to buy tire fenders embarrassedly sported stripes of water on their clothes all day. These disgruntled students phoned home with their complaints, and their parents, in turn, called President Hennessy to give him a piece of their minds, because as one loving, concerned mother said, “For sixty thousand dollars a year, you better deliver on the damn sunshine!”

By order of the president, the Stanford Registrar’s office is issuing partial refunds to all freshmen who were duped by the sunny brochures and general expectations of Northern Californian weather patterns. After some intense haggling, Stanford agreed to the price of $200 per rainy day. Some determined students even got guaranteed football tickets thrown in.

The University had to pay for its misleading propaganda this time. But so as to not be responsible for future weather mishaps, it plans to print new brochures including at least two pictures in which the sky has a cloud, and one with a student holding an umbrella. Hopefully this will prepare future freshmen for the treacherous storms they may encounter and save the University a few bucks.

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