Turning Point USA Adds Mario Kart’s Birdo to Stanford Watchlist for “Sexual Deviancy”

June 5, 2018 12:12 am
Turning Point USA Adds Mario Kart’s Birdo to Stanford Watchlist for “Sexual Deviancy”

Over the last week, conservative nonprofit Turning Point USA announced the addition of the Mario Kart character Birdo to the professor watchlist for Stanford University. TPUSA has been quite active on campus in the last week, with founder, director, and certifiable hottie Charlie Kirk and communications director Candace Owens coming […]

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Try-Hard to Increase Margins, Shrink Font to Satisfy Final Paper Max Page Count

June 4, 2018 12:00 pm
frustrated with problems young business man working on laptop computer at home

According to multiple sources in Lantana, sophomore Toby Maxwell has expressed his concern that his paper’s page count would not fall within the bounds his professor set for a course on convolutional neural networks.  “I totally feel your struggle right now,” Toby said to some of his fellow dorm-mates, who […]

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Guy in “Camp Stanford” Shirt Currently on 13th Consecutive Hour of P-Set

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Guy in “Camp Stanford” Shirt Currently on 13th Consecutive Hour of P-Set
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Op-Ed: How To Beat The Draw, By Me, The ShamWow Guy

May 30, 2018 12:00 pm
Op-Ed: How To Beat The Draw, By Me, The ShamWow Guy

Didn’t get your first choice? Suffering from fractured friendships? Over-eager to disrupt the private lives of upperclassmen who just want to graduate on time? Well buckle up, buttercup — here’s a pro’s inside scoop on how to really beat the Stanford Draw! Other insiders might tell you to pre-assign, return […]

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ALERT: Construction of Stanford Bubble to Begin Week 10

May 28, 2018 12:00 pm
ALERT: Construction of Stanford Bubble to Begin Week 10

As the year begins to wind down, Stanford administration has begun planning the construction of a new project to enrich student life: a literal Stanford Bubble. Spanning the entirety of campus, this real-life version of the popular metaphor will be a testament to one of the defining aspects of the […]

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Five Times the Stanford Band Totally Dabbed on the Haters and Still Got Away With It (Number 3 Will Make You Shit Your Pants)

May 24, 2018 9:38 am
Five Times the Stanford Band Totally Dabbed on the Haters and Still Got Away With It (Number 3 Will Make You Shit Your Pants)
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New FoHo Reveals That Stanford Systematically Discriminates Against Ugly Students

May 21, 2018 5:43 pm
View of the east entrance to the Main Quad at nighttest 2test 3

The latest issue of the FoHo, a campus e-publication, has revealed to campus a dark side of the Stanford bureaucracy — which was previously thought to be entirely dark sides anyways, like a dodecahedron dipped in squid ink. According to the article, Stanford has exhibited a consistent pattern of discriminatory, […]

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Stanford Bans the Humanities

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Stanford Bans the Humanities

In an unprecedented move last weekend, representatives from Stanford University announced their intentions to ban the humanities in all its forms starting Fall Quarter of the 2018-2019 school year. Provost Persis Drell’s statement about the change: “Stanford has always been a campus which places inclusion and balance over all else. […]

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Former Frat Member Adjusts to Life Without Unfounded Arrogance

May 14, 2018 5:24 pm
Former Frat Member Adjusts to Life Without Unfounded Arrogance

This past week has been a tough one for Stanford Sophomore Kevin Bimtron after his fraternity had its charter revoked. Kevin, whose LinkedIn bio says ‘work hard, play hard’, has faced some difficulty in adjusting to the change. “It’s tough to deal with ya know? I just worry that the […]

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Report: Kairos in state of anarchy after all-staff firing, Wine and Cheese nights under threat

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Kairos

Following the firing of all Kairos staff members last week, the Flipside has received reports that the house is steadily devolving into a state of brutal dog-eat-dog anarchy — and the situation seems to only be getting worse. Initially, neighboring houses reported hearing shrieks and groans coming from the now-ungoverned […]

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