Dear Abby, My Roommate Built a Guillotine and I’m Worried He’s Going to Execute Me

May 7, 2019 7:00 pm
Dear Abby, My Roommate Built a Guillotine and I’m Worried He’s Going to Execute Me

Dear Abby, Abby, you sexy omniscient bitch, I’m worried. My roommate hasn’t changed out of his robe for a week because—according to him— “Robespierre doesn’t wear peasant clothes.” He’s built a guillotine in the middle of our one-room double, all eleven feet high of solid oak and shining steel, and […]

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Flipside Review of the New Testament

7:00 pm
Flipside Review of the New Testament

Upon first glance I could tell this was going to be a rousing read. The thick leather binding, the gold flaked page trim, and the mix of Helvetica and Shadows Into the Light fonts instantly gave me a good impression. When I started really digging into the story, though, I […]

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In Response to Warren’s Loan Forgiveness Plan, Trump Announces New “Make-‘Em-Cry” Student Debt Calculator

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In Response to Warren’s Loan Forgiveness Plan, Trump Announces New “Make-‘Em-Cry” Student Debt Calculator

Following Senator Elizabeth Warren’s announcement of a loan forgiveness plan to address America’s student debt crisis, President Trump has announced his own counter-plan: “College Loan Unforgiveness.” Trump’s announcement came via Twitter, as all good announcements do, and linked to an online “Make-‘Em-Cry Misery Calculator” to help voters predict how the […]

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Jeff Bezos Donates $800 Million to Reconstruct Notre Dame on Condition He Can Use as Fuck Shack

April 30, 2019 7:00 pm
Jeff Bezos Donates $800 Million to Reconstruct Notre Dame on Condition He Can Use as Fuck Shack

Public support for the reconstruction of the Notre-Dame de Paris after its devastating fire a few weeks has been immense, though perhaps none of that has been as public or immense as Jeff Bezos’ declaration that he intends to donate $800 million—about 717 million euros—to help rebuild the historic cathedral […]

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Movie Review: I Thought Avengers: Endgame Was Just Okay Because of the Part Where Tony Stark Shitted Out the Infinity Stones

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Movie Review: I Thought Avengers: Endgame Was Just Okay Because of the Part Where Tony Stark Shitted Out the Infinity Stones

I was as excited as the next person to watch the twenty-second film in the Marvel Cinematic Multiverse, and I even coded a hacking algorithm so that I could be sure to secure one of the Cardinal Nights tickets and risk expulsion for this dumb movie. Still, I have to […]

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So Cool! MTL Dabbed After Signing an Arms Deal With the Saudi Military, and It Is #GivingUsLife

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So Cool! MTL Dabbed After Signing an Arms Deal With the Saudi Military, and It Is #GivingUsLife

Okay, look — we all already know Marc “Daddy” Tessier “Daddy” Lavigne is the all-time coolest president of an elite private research university, but now it’s for goddam sure: MTL just did a celebratory dab after negotiating a successful arms deal with Saudi Arabia’s military, and it is #giving #us […]

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Op-Ed: In Only Ten Weeks, Duolingo Made Me Proficient In Slurs

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Op-Ed: In Only Ten Weeks, Duolingo Made Me Proficient In Slurs

I was initially skeptical about practicing my language skills with Duolingo. People kept saying stuff like “Just give it a shot,” or “Come on, it’s free!,” or “All my older, whiter coworkers finally understand what I’m trying to say” — but I wasn’t so sure I believed the hype. Finally, […]

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University Announces Plans to Build Massive, Useless Metal Structure Directly Outside Your Window

April 23, 2019 7:00 pm
University Announces Plans to Build Massive, Useless Metal Structure Directly Outside Your Window

As the recently-announced ResX task force’s plans for campus development continue to make waves, one sub-provision in the hundred-plus-page report has gone largely unremarked upon: the University’s plans to build an enormous, purposeless metal structure directly outside your dorm room window. “The space right outside your window, separated from your […]

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An Inside Look at Stanford in the Year 2100

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An Inside Look at Stanford in the Year 2100

In the wake of the esteemed Susie Brubaker Cole’s report describing the neighborhood housing program to be implemented over the next century, we thought to consult our resident prophets and oracles to provide our beloved readers at a glimpse for what the Stanford campus that we call home might look […]

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‘Game of Thrones’ In Shambles After Joe Biden Cameo Cut At Last Minute

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‘Game of Thrones’ In Shambles After Joe Biden Cameo Cut At Last Minute

Eager fans were shocked on Sunday to discover that the usually top-notch HBO fantasy show Game of Thrones had dropped sharply in quality for its eighth and final season. In an exclusive interview with the Flipside, showrunner David Nutter explained that this was the result of major cuts to a […]

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