Try-Hard to Increase Margins, Shrink Font to Satisfy Final Paper Max Page Count

June 4, 2018 12:00 pm
frustrated with problems young business man working on laptop computer at home

According to multiple sources in Lantana, sophomore Toby Maxwell has expressed his concern that his paper’s page count would not fall within the bounds his professor set for a course on convolutional neural networks.  “I totally feel your struggle right now,” Toby said to some of his fellow dorm-mates, who […]

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Guy in “Camp Stanford” Shirt Currently on 13th Consecutive Hour of P-Set

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Guy in “Camp Stanford” Shirt Currently on 13th Consecutive Hour of P-Set
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No Way, Yahweh! We Couldn’t Think of a Second Half to this Headline

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No Way, Yahweh! We Couldn’t Think of a Second Half to this Headline
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Op-Ed: How To Beat The Draw, By Me, The ShamWow Guy

May 30, 2018 12:00 pm
Op-Ed: How To Beat The Draw, By Me, The ShamWow Guy

Didn’t get your first choice? Suffering from fractured friendships? Over-eager to disrupt the private lives of upperclassmen who just want to graduate on time? Well buckle up, buttercup — here’s a pro’s inside scoop on how to really beat the Stanford Draw! Other insiders might tell you to pre-assign, return […]

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Silicon Valley Thrilled by New “Uber for Serfs” Startup

May 29, 2018 12:00 pm
Silicon Valley Thrilled by New “Uber for Serfs” Startup

In an announcement that has sent shockwaves across Silicon Valley, a new startup billing itself as “Uber for Serfs” has announced plans to go public later this month. The startup, feef, is already attracting hordes of eager VC’s looking to get a stake in the company before its shares skyrocket […]

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Monk Ranked Second to Nun in Poll of Coolest Religious Figures

May 28, 2018 12:00 pm
Monk Ranked Second to Nun in Poll of Coolest Religious Figures
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FBI Raid Uncovers Michael Cohen’s Extensive Tiny Ballerina Shoe Collection—Not Illegal, Just Kinda Weird

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FBI Raid Uncovers Michael Cohen’s Extensive Tiny Ballerina Shoe Collection—Not Illegal, Just Kinda Weird
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ALERT: Construction of Stanford Bubble to Begin Week 10

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ALERT: Construction of Stanford Bubble to Begin Week 10

As the year begins to wind down, Stanford administration has begun planning the construction of a new project to enrich student life: a literal Stanford Bubble. Spanning the entirety of campus, this real-life version of the popular metaphor will be a testament to one of the defining aspects of the […]

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Viral Sensation: No One Can Decide Whether This Video Is Saying “Abortion” or “Murder”

May 24, 2018 9:43 am
Viral Sensation: No One Can Decide Whether This Video Is Saying “Abortion” or “Murder”
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Stuart Little Gnaws Through Arm After Eighteenth Hour Caught in Mousetrap

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Stuart Little Gnaws Through Arm After Eighteenth Hour Caught in Mousetrap
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