On Tuesday, there were reports of a black hole forming in a Twain dorm room, with further investigation showing that one of the room’s residents, Ben Backus, had a mental breakdown at 3:16 AM, causing his body to spontaneously implode.

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His roommate, who wishes to remain anonymous, claims that “Ben just lost it. He just fucking lost it. He signed up for 15 on-campus organizations and is currently enrolled in 35 units, and, realizing that it was only week 4, not having done any laundry or slept in 5 days, he lost all grip on reality and transformed into an ultra-dense form which sucks all matter and towards it. I actually didn’t see it happen, but I viewed from a discreet location with the CCTV camera I installed in the room because I enjoy watching him masturbate while he works on his engineering homework.

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After viewing the footage, the roommate called over a Twain RA who didn’t believe what was happening until she entered the room, only having enough time to shriek “HOLY SHIT THAT’S A BLACK H—” before being sucked in. The few surviving items from the incident were bits of her Math 115 homework, which were taken for burial at office hours.

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It is unknown whether this is a medical disorder or whether this is an isolated incident. The university has since released a statement cautioning students to be aware of their surroundings and class pre-reqs at all times.

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