Despite confused glances, muted whispers to RAs, and heartfelt attempts to inform the maintenance staff, sources close to the bathroom reported Sunday that that thing on the shower floor was still very much “there.”

Whimpered one worried resident, “I’m legitimately unsure of whether it’s a ball of hair, a pile of shampoo, or… well, I don’t know. I am confused. I am scared. I have been genuinely disquieted.

Though the thing’s origins remain disputed, most reports indicate that it “sort of appeared” a few days after classes started, then proceeded to turn from an amorphous brown to a chalky black. A cursory glance at the bathroom shelf hints that it could be lint from an errant shower cloth, but the truth is, as the bathroom’s janitor put it, “really anyone’s guess.”

“I think if you touch it it’s kind of sticky” one source indicated on condition of anonymity, “I don’t know, I really try not to shower in that stall anymore, I don’t want people to think I’m less grossed out because it’s mine.”

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