I dunno what’s goin’ on, but highkey everyone’s been acting like they’ve got poles rammed a couple inches too bar up their butts the past week. The homies haven’t been responding to my texts to play die, none of the Russian baddies I follow on Insta have been asking for my credit card info…. I don’t know if it’s because it’s getting colder or because 2020 is almost over, but all I hear lately is November 3rd this and November 3rd that. Like, chill my dudes! There are a whole 30 days this month—why obsess over just one?

Even my mom is on edge; she keeps texting me to stay inside because “it could get dangerous soon,” but like I’ve told her a million times the cops don’t care if I’m Juuling on the street as long as I give them a puff or two. I don’t know why she’s freaking out all of a sudden–I guess it’s just menopause or something? 

To take my mind off it all I tried texting the babe I’ve been hooking up with to see if she’d be down for a quickie in the back of Chuck E. Cheese, but all she told me she was just “too distracted by the Times” to meet up this week. I told her if she really wanted I could put on some news while we got it on, but she said that would “only make things worse” and she just needs to wait until “everything was done and dusted.” I’m a little worried cause it sounds like she’s gonna hit me with the old “what are we?” question and nobody’s responded to my reddit post with how to respond to that yet, but I guess I’ll just give her some space—I’m just bored and horny and have nothing to do!

I also don’t know why the fuck people keep talking about and Pennsylvania–people keep bringing up in the group chat about “how close Pennsylvania is” but like, no shit? We live in New York; it’s literally an adjacent state. I guess because ski season is coming up people are planning trips, but I honestly prefer Stowe to Stratton so I hope that’s not what’s up. Either way, it’s fucking weird. 

I dunno if something’s in the water or the air pollution’s tinged with some of that Northern Lights devil’s lettuce, but whatever it is, people better get their shit sorted and wake the fuck up in time for the election next month. 

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