SAN FRANCISCO, CA–Waking up far too early and paying far too much money to run far much too long a distance, dozens of Stanford women headed north to San Francisco for the Nike Women’s Half-Marathon this past Sunday. “I feel really validated now that I’ve run an arbitrary distance in an arbitrary location,“ said sophomore Jane Davids as she limped back to her car after 2.5 hours of sheer monotony. “Sure I could have run the same route at a much more convenient time for nothing other than the cost of gas, but then I wouldn’t be able to say I completed a real, official half-marathon.” When asked for comment, Nike executive Mitch Baker declined, as he was too busy rolling in money achieved entirely through brand recognition.

You May Also Like

Students Reflect on Ike’s Experience

Despite the best efforts of students for whom the wounds of last year’s…

Full Text of Obama’s State of the Union Address

Following is the transcript of President Obama’s State of the Union address,…

Man Dressed As Pumpkin Didn’t Do A Very Good Job

Area man Harry Kravitz dressed as a pumpkin confused friends and acquaintances…