SAN FRANCISCO, CA–Waking up far too early and paying far too much money to run far much too long a distance, dozens of Stanford women headed north to San Francisco for the Nike Women’s Half-Marathon this past Sunday. “I feel really validated now that I’ve run an arbitrary distance in an arbitrary location,“ said sophomore Jane Davids as she limped back to her car after 2.5 hours of sheer monotony. “Sure I could have run the same route at a much more convenient time for nothing other than the cost of gas, but then I wouldn’t be able to say I completed a real, official half-marathon.” When asked for comment, Nike executive Mitch Baker declined, as he was too busy rolling in money achieved entirely through brand recognition.

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