1 If you fully obey the Lord your Star nosed mole and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your star nosed mole will set you high above all the nations on earth. 

2 All these blessings will come on you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your star nosed mole:

3 You will be blessed in the underground dwelling and blessed with worms.

4 The worms of your womb will be blessed, and the worms in your underground holes and the young of your livestock—the calves of your worms and the lambs of your worms.

5 Your soil and your worm trough will be blessed.

6 You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out, like the worm through the Lord’s bowels. 

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…