It started off with an email. The newsletter advertising different Graduate School of Business studies seemed like a simple way to make 7 bucks in just 20 minutes. So naturally, I signed up for a few, going in for some group thinking exercises, even some simulated negotiations. It was all very innocent. No one was getting hurt.

Then, last week, I got an email that was sent personally to me, advertising a study only offered to those who had completed enough “normal” GSB studies. I was flattered, to be honest. This was becoming my main extracurricular, and it felt nice to be acknowledged for that finally. My friends tried to hold an intervention, but I told them to ROT IN HELL—I needed this validation from the GSB!

So, I showed up for the first of the seven sessions that I had committed to, ready to make $19 dollars for what they promised me would take less than an hour. There, in the basement of a building in the business school, was where I was told I needed to torture some small rodents.

Now I know waterboarding some hamsters and guinea pigs might seem trivial to many people, and you’re right, it wasn’t so bad. But I was informed that the study increases in intensity, both in torturing apparatuses and subjects. Anyway, I guess I’m just concerned: are $19 just not enough money to justify torturing a human being? I think I need to either ask for a raise or get out now, but I’m not sure how. College, am I right?

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