In the most expansive change of its kind in Stanford history, university administration has announced the upcoming release of a revolutionary new student web portal that will make it easier to access all the other student web portals that already exist.

The new application, called CardinalNext, will provide an intuitive, expansive, user-friendly online system through which students can quickly and seamlessly access all of their favorite web portals. Providing convenient shortcuts to Canvas, Piazza, Handshake, and more, this bold new addition to the university’s host of e-services is sure to make the lives of students simpler and less redundant.

“The way things work right now, you have to go to one page for Axess, one page for Carta, one page for Gradescope, and so on”, explained Chief Technology Officer Robby Mitchell. “But by introducing yet another website to Stanford’s online presence, we’re making all that way more efficient. Now students can access SimpleEnroll, Paperless, and ASSU Herokuapp all in one place, a mere click away!”

Students, however, have not found the CardinalNext web portal so convenient.

“I tried to log into CardinalNext so I could access the library research databases, the R&DE info page, my class Facebook group, my dorm GroupMe, and my club’s Slack all in one place”, recounted sophomore Wendell LaCroix. “But it asked me for a confirmation code that it supposedly sent to my Outlook, and since my Outlook is inside CardinalNext now, I have no way to get it.”

At press time, LaCroix had resigned to just doing his work on Google Docs like a normal human being.

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