STANFORD, CA–Due to the recent budget cuts, Stanford has been attempting to eliminate superfluous departments around campus. In a long expected move, the university announced Monday that the Mechanical Engineering department will be cut because ME no longer has any practical applications.
“It made sense,” said ME professor Paul Mitiguy, “we’d just been fooling around all this time with Legos. Everyone knows ME doesn’t work…. Things break all the time.”
Many astounded Drama and English students could not believe Mechanical Engineering was cut, considering it was an extremely popular department among non-majors.
“You want to talk about an easy A, then let’s talk about ME 101,” said Classics major Joey Kemp. “I use ME all the time to pad my schedule. It’s too bad I won’t have that option anymore.”
Many other students are worried that ME just won’t make the cut in the new economy. “I tried to sell my retractable whisk to Williams Sonoma that I designed in the shop class ME203, but they rejected it,” said a depressed ME minor. “There’s no hope. There just isn’t any future in ME.”
Other arts programs like dance were not even considered during the budget cuts. “Our classes are at the core of a Stanford Education,” said dance Professor Reddick, Phd. “The Evolution of Hip Hop and the Dance Stage From Broadway To Hollywood and MTV” could be the most applicable class at the university. These dance moves come up in every day life, and may be the only way to cure such world problems as poverty, the energy crisis, and lack of grace.”
Additionally, the fate of Computer Science and Human Biology will be decided in the upcoming week by a panel of administrators. Inside reports say that things are looking dreary for these subjects. However, President Henessey has vowed complete immunity to the Philosophy department, for which he cites “purely ethical reasons.”