We began the day with a light stroll through the farmer’s market down the road. I wanted to hold his hand, but he held them behind his back for the entire forty-five minutes.  I picked up some ingredients for snacks on the picnic we had planned, and only Mike’s favorites: coleslaw, bread crust, and a dried avocado pit.

We drove to the park with the top down, the wind blowing through my hair and around Mike’s head.  It was really quite sunny, but he wouldn’t put on sunglasses. He said he always just squinted.  Every once in a while, Mike’s eyes would go completely black, and he’d suddenly crack his neck really loudly.

The drive was a bit long (Mike said the one downtown was a bit too “street” for his tastes) so I tried to crack a few jokes.  He responded to each of them with a soft grimace and unchanging, expressionless eyes.  To one he even added, “that’s funny,” but he never, ever laughed.  At the park, we sat on the concrete path leading to the public restrooms.  Well actually, I sat while Mike stood the whole time.  When we finished the coleslaw and crust, Mike’s jaw unhinged like a snake and he swallowed the avocado pit whole.

When he dropped me off at home, I leaned in to kiss him and he just put his hand right on the middle of my face.  We stayed like that for four minutes until he took a long, wheezy breath and told me to leave.  It was truly a magical day, and with the perfect ending too. Mike Pence is not only a politician, but an incredible romantic, as well.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…