After many years with the mascot of the Cardinal, the university Athletic Organizational Committee has decided to return the mascot back to its origins. The school will now be referred to as the Stanford Jew, bringing back with it the old mascot “Morty the Jew.”
Morty, whose costume, has been in storage for over thirty years, has a long gray beard, a wad of cash, and extremely large horns. He is well known for dancing the hora after touchdowns and not jumping as high as other mascots.
Students around campus have been ecstatic with praise on the switch back to the Stanford Jew. In the week since the announcement, fans at basketball games have brought back the traditional ‘hook-em horns’ hand signal, and have been loudly chanting “Go Jew!” in Maples Arena.
With the mascot change, Tree Week will now be replaced with Jew Week. To become the next Stanford Jew, students must perform a series of stunts such as not eating bread for 8 days or cutting off part of their penis.
Jews have had a mixed response to the mascot change. Many Jews feel that Morty is not representative of all Jews, and would prefer if the mascot was changed from Jew to the plural Jews.
Many Jews around campus have applauded the mascot change. “I just love going to basketball games and hearing people saying, ‘Go Jew!’ It feels like they are chanting for me. And I make sure to bring my horns to the game.”