Labelling the other options as “bland” and “uninspired,” sources confirmed yesterday that sophomore Sam Bernstein chose “Transcendence Seraphim” as the best font for his first PWR 2 presentation. “It just had such a good ring to it,” explained Bernstein, clarifying that the other popular staples like ‘Calibri’ and ‘Didactic Autumn’ simply weren’t going to cut it. “Those fonts might be fine for a paper,” he conceded, “but I’m going to need something with way more pizzazz, excitement, and religious connotation if I’m going to provide an effective visual argument.”

Nonetheless, for all its merits, Bernstein did acknowledge that “Seraphim” is hardly applicable to other presentational methods. “Naturally, if I were using a Prezi, I would need something a little louder and more aggressive, like ‘Verdana’ or ‘Sensual Matterhorn,’ and if I were using Keynote, I’d need something a little more conservative and dignified, like ‘Baskerville’ or ‘Codswallop Winchester.’ Ultimately our instructor told us that it just comes down to what your presentation needs to do.”

And what, exactly, does Bernstein’s presentation need to do? “Fuck if I know,” he informed reporters, shaking his head. “PWR doesn’t teach us that.”

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