A role model for the rest of us, one of the raccoons often found rummaging through the dumpsters behind Branner Dining Hall is only a few units shy of graduating with honors. While most would balk at his ambitious academic schedule, this raccoon has plenty of time to socialize while still maintaining high marks in all of his classes. Extracurricular activities such as searching through trash bins all around campus with his friends, scaring sheltered freshman girls, and “just hanging out in a bush all day” have made him something of a campus celebrity, but not many people know the scholar behind the friendly face – possibly because that face is often buried in garbage. But come spring, this renaissance raccoon is eager to graduate with a double major in North American Ecosystems and French. What’s next after that? His passion for government may bring him to back-alley trash heaps in the DC area. But, he cedes, he’ll probably try to spend a few years eating students’ discarded ramen at a Graduate School before he gets too serious.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Sex in Steam Tunnels “Too Hot and Steamy”

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION- Two freshmen were spotted emerging sweaty and red-faced from Stanford’s…

National Suicide Rates Jump as Inception Spurs the Nation to Think

LOS ANGELES, Calif.—A new and alarming study has found that suicide rates…