Portugal Loses Government in High-Stakes Poker Game

November 16, 2015 12:00 pm
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Portugal Loses Government in High-Stakes Poker Game

Citing decreased inhibitions and a marked lack of prudence, Portugal reported last week that it had lost its government to Belgium in an exclusive game of chance with other Western European countries and their former colonies. Despite its best efforts to recoup the loss of its language, Portuguese, to Brazil the previous round, Portugal’s reckless wager proved to be fruitless.

“I blame the fourth glass of vinho—sorry, vino,” Portugal released in a statement following the game. “Belgium doesn’t even need two governments!”

Negotiations have begun between the two countries to restore Portugal’s possession of its government, though there does not seem to be any signs of either side relenting. “I won it fair and square,” Belgium said in a press conference. “Portugal knew the risks going into the game. Why should I give it back? I kind of like the way it decorates my mantelpiece.”

Portugal’s pleading fell flat with the other countries present for the negotiations. Although its insistence that “it was just a joke” and “I didn’t mean it, come on, guys,” Portugal failed to win over any of the nations.

At press time, Belgium was reportedly “making faces at Portugal” and shouting “better luck next time.”

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