Since Gmail got its new facelift, users have noticed its new clingy attitude.  “Every time I log onto my email, Gmail asks me how it looks,” said faithful Googler Craig Perper.  “Honestly…it’s been looking heavier lately.  Like maybe it got wider margins or started taking in more spam.  But we’ve been together for so long, I can’t tell it that.”  Perper admitted to just commenting that he “slightly prefers new version” because it was encouraging but not too harsh toward the old version.

Perper reports he’s noticed changes in Gmail’s demeanor.  He said that recently there was a pop up asking, “Does this theme make me look fat?”  Before he could say no, Gmail snapped, “That’s what I thought. I’m hideous!” and shut down before he had a chance to read his email.  The next day, after completing a note to his parents, Perper moved to navigate away from Gmail for a minute.  A pop up quickly emerged, questioning: “You’re going already?  So soon?  Don’t you have someone to email?  Or want to look at pictures of puppies? Don’t leave me.”

“I’m afraid to open my email now,” says Perper.  “I know the next time I go in, Gmail is just going to freak out and ask where I’ve been.  I think I’m going to start using Hotmail again. That was always fun.”

You May Also Like

BBC Studios Announces Sequel “2 Proud 2 Prejudiced”

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a movie studio in possession…

Bill Nye Admits Ken Ham “May Have a Point”

Last week two juggernauts clashed in formal debate. Self-styled Bill Nye “The…

Sexually Confused Electrical Engineering Major Receives Mixed Signals 

Electrical Engineering Sophomore Stuart Robertson found himself befuddled last Friday afternoon over…

Opinion: “Why Were We Even Paying These Little Orange and Red People in the First Place?”

By Kenneth Potts Now I’m a guy who likes to take the…