Senate Candidate Would Just Love a Moment of Your Time

April 13, 2015 12:01 pm
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Senate Candidate Would Just Love a Moment of Your Time

            With the undergraduate Senate elections approaching and a series of dynamic new initiatives coming into play, a student Senate candidate would love to “just bug you for a second if that’s OK.”  After all, the ASSU has a daunting year ahead and this candidate has big ideas to make your Stanford experience the best years of your life.

            Throughout his pitch, the candidate would like to hold uneasy eye contact with you and show off his speaking abilities, which were honed to charismatic perfection in PWR 2.

           Mental health? Did you ask whether the candidate has a passion for mental health? Did the candidate hear you correctly? This candidate is so frickin’ filled-to-the-brim with a fiery passion for mental health, the fact that he’s standing here talking to you and not passing some much-need legislation as we speak is making him nauseous. But hey, that’s bureaucracy; one vote at a time, Rome wasn’t built in a day ya heard.

            Next comes a joke about the fountains to show that the candidate has a wacky sense of humor just like you and is the very type of young adult who is going to make the ASSU fun next year. Naughty!

            The candidate is going to ignore your increasingly conspicuous attempts to get him to leave for just one more minute. Oh, thanks so much for talking to the candidate, and he’s going to go ahead and leave you this flyer. He bids you goodbye, calling Stanford “The Farm” one last time to remind you that, at the end of the day, no one is less in touch with Stanford than the people running for its student government.