Last week, local fifth graders embarked on their annual field trip to an abandoned field.

After a three-hour drive full of jovial songs and youthful merrymaking, students exited the bus on the side of Interstate-80, miles away from any sort of town.  All teachers and chaperones departed for Reno, leaving the children to fend for themselves for four days.  According to district superintendent John Hogan, this annual field trip “teaches the kids about character, spirit, and will. It is essentially a traditional Native American vision quest.”

 As students continuously bet their dwindling supply of Lunchables on when the bus would return, they entertained themselves with the various diversions available on any typical field on the side of a highway. For example, they had the amazing opportunity to play with cool new toys, like glass shards of broken beer bottles, cigarette butts, and even the occasional body bag.  Kids could be found playing hide-and-go-sift-through-the-overgrown-shrubbery, and, while a small number of students have not yet been found, we can only assume that they’re having a blast.  The youngsters also enjoyed the companionship of the various species of spiders indigenous to the area, many of which were in hatching season.  Experiencing the miracle of spider-child birth was just a fortuitous, special treat.

The only bump in the road came when the innocent, good-natured field trip turned into a rather concerning Lord of the Flies scenario.  When teachers and chaperones returned from their four days of childless debauchery, the class had already formed a crude, violent hierarchy and one student was killed with a giant boulder.  The entire field was also in flames. On the whole, though, the trip was still vastly celebrated as a success, and extensive planning for next year’s jaunt is already underway.

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