Op Ed: I Need to Ask My Professor a Question After Lecture But There’s Like Five or Six Different Mysterious Figures from His Past Seeking Advice About Alien Threats

October 23, 2019 12:00 pm
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Op Ed: I Need to Ask My Professor a Question After Lecture But There’s Like Five or Six Different Mysterious Figures from His Past Seeking Advice About Alien Threats

Well, I guess this is what I get for taking a class in xenobiology.

I normally leave lecture a few minutes early, but today I stuck around afterwards to ask my professor some questions about our new p-set. Except when I got down to the front of the lecture hall, what do I find but, like, five or six different mysterious figures from his past, huddled around him, asking for advice about a half-dozen different alien threats they’re dealing with. What the hell?

Some of these people look like CIA types, but they don’t have the same uniforms as each other, and they’re all clearly asking about different sci-fi scenarios. One of them was like, “Hey, old friend — remember back in the day when we researched time vortexes together?,” but then another just interrupted to go, “Long time no see, old pal. You got a second to discuss the Delta Nebula? Government business.” So, like, they’re clearly not even coordinating with one another. Plus, none of them are even enrolled in the class — they’re all like vigilantes or mad scientists or something — but somehow they still get to talk to my professor before I do?

I thought the TA might be able to help, but it looks like she’s handling two more long-forgotten acquaintances of her own, one of whom is excitedly waving around a glowing egg sack while the other keeps muttering about how the frequency of some sort of “encounter” has been increasing to levels “unseen since the incident back in ‘94.” So, what, I’m just supposed to wait around while these bozos get free advice on how to defeat whatever intergalactic threat they’re blabbering on about, and only then do I get to ask whether we’re supposed to use MLA or APA citations?

Oh, for heaven’s sake — an enormous tentacled beast has just burst through the ceiling, and now my professor is individually fist-bumping each of his old friends and saying “Just like we used to do, huh, pal?” before raising his fists like he’s gonna punch the alien or something. Looks like I’m taking another goddam late day…

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