With momentum building in favor of a divestment referendum in the Spring, Fossil Free Stanford now faces its most formidable opponent yet on the path to clearing campus of fossilized remains: the Stanford Dinosaur Memorial Coalition.
“Fossil Free Stanford simply has no respect for our semi-reptilian ancestors or their on-campus remnants,” a SDMC representative said. “These are the decomposed limbs and feces of the creatures that would one day die to make room for mammalian evolution! Fossil free Stanford isn’t interested in a dialogue. They just want the destruction of these fossils on their own terms.”
Fossil Free Stanford insists that the removal of “dino garbage” from school grounds will pave the way for regional oil exploration, which could in turn help pay for the club’s deforestation and baby-seal-harpooning initiatives.
“We’ve got a bone to pick, and we’ve picked the garbage can for these bones!” a FFS spokesperson asserted, “Those dinosaur-huggers need to disappear like the lizards they claim to love so much. The time is now to move the skeletons and put in some drills- it’s 2015, not 2015 BC!”
The two groups are set to propose opposing referenda next quarter, with FFS partnering with ExxonMobil to plan a massive coal harvesting venture and SDMC recommending the construction of a new on-campus museum of natural history.