When talking to his parents on the phone this week, Freshman Michael Andrews expressed his frustration that he hasn’t been involved in any civil disobedience yet this year. While in the first few weeks of school, some freshmen were excited to experience Math 51 or their first sip of Natural Light, Andrews was furious that he could not participate in any acts of Civil Disobedience.

“I got a 2400 on the SAT just to obey the law in an imperfect society? There’s racial injustice, sexual assault, and homophobia, and all I’m doing is going to class and Cardinal Calypso rehearsals. This is NOT what I signed up for,” said Andrews.

Andrews allegedly approached both the Black Community Services Center and the Women’s Community Center looking for a unlawful protest to participate in. “Andrews brought a meticulously planned proposal to block the Golden Gate Bridge, Bay Bridge, and Dumbarton Bridge at the same time,” said BCSC President Garrett Johnson. “It appeared that he must’ve spent hours and hours thinking about the logistics.”

Some of Andrews’ classmates are skeptical of Andrews’ desires. “Why doesn’t he just want to binge drink and make out with fellow dorm residents like the rest of us?” asked Serra resident Becca Kranzler. At press time, Andrews was spotted completing transfer papers to Berkeley.

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