Having spent the duration of New Student Orientation (NSO) cultivating a respectful, genial relationship with fellow freshmen Paul Lindrey, Otero resident Philip Johnson is finally ready to broach the subject of light-hearted racism with his newfound companion.

“I certainly want to respect his boundaries and don’t want to do anything to push him outside his comfort zone,” Johnson reported. “But that being said, I am reasonably confident that now is an appropriate time to take our relationship to the next level and introduce some tactful bigotry into our normal back-and-forth jest.”

Johnson emphasized that he is not sure the fledgling friendship is ready for the full-blown intolerance and slurs that characterize most of his high school relationships. Over the course of the next few weeks, he hopes to make steady progress and thinks Lindrey has the potential to become one of his true friends at college with whom he can share many an inappropriate joke in the future.

“I just keep thinking that the time is right and maybe it’s on his mind too but he doesn’t want to be the one to break the ice, you know?” Johnson added. “Maybe if I make the first move with the fairly innocuous one about the Indian businessman and the Korean lawyer walking into a bar, it will really open things up and make him more comfortable as well.”

At press time, Johnson decided maybe it would be best to take this leap of faith while drunk, as he could always blame his impaired judgment if his words came across as too harsh.

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