Post Tagged with: "NSO"

Coolest Kid at NSO Already “So Over This Lame Place”

September 22, 2016 12:01 pmComments Off on Coolest Kid at NSO Already “So Over This Lame Place”
Coolest Kid at NSO Already “So Over This Lame Place”

Early reports from sources in Wilbur indicate that Saniyya Miller, the coolest member of the Stanford Class of 2020, is already “tired of this weird, conform-y, suffocating campus”.  Despite the excited shouts of her RAs, the warm smiles of her newfound dormmates, and a slew of upbeat orientation programming, Miller […]

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Racism Solved After Open Dorm Conversation

12:00 pmComments Off on Racism Solved After Open Dorm Conversation
Racism Solved After Open Dorm Conversation

Residents of Soto celebrated Thursday evening, as a “frank and honest discussion” about identity completely solved all of the structural inequalities plaguing American society in their infinite intricacy. What began as an innocent discussion about Colin Kaepernick and the nature of American patriotism soon morphed into a full-on discourse about […]

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Citing Success of “Faces”, 2016 NSO to Include “Necks”, “Torsos”

September 28, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on Citing Success of “Faces”, 2016 NSO to Include “Necks”, “Torsos”
Citing Success of “Faces”, 2016 NSO to Include “Necks”, “Torsos”

After yet another FACES packed with jaw-dropping performances, stirring investigations of identity, and heartwarming overtones of unity, the organizers of NSO have announced plans to venture far below the chin in 2016. “The first half of next year’s FACES will remain a celebration of the gorgeous mosaic of individuals that […]

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Excerpt From Monologue on Being a Non-Mac Person

September 30, 2014 8:00 amComments Off on Excerpt From Monologue on Being a Non-Mac Person
Excerpt From Monologue on Being a Non-Mac Person

For those freshman who were too busy BROC-ing out to celebrate diversity, the following is an excerpt from NSO’s FACES Program. When I first came to Stanford, I could tell I was different. Everyone around me had their sleek, off-chrome laptops, uniformly covered in stickers to express their individuality. And […]

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Freshman Finally Ready to Introduce Racist Jokes into New Friendship

September 25, 2014 8:00 amComments Off on Freshman Finally Ready to Introduce Racist Jokes into New Friendship
Freshman Finally Ready to Introduce Racist Jokes into New Friendship

Having spent the duration of New Student Orientation (NSO) cultivating a respectful, genial relationship with fellow freshmen Paul Lindrey, Otero resident Philip Johnson is finally ready to broach the subject of light-hearted racism with his newfound companion. “I certainly want to respect his boundaries and don’t want to do anything […]

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Freshmen Not That Hot This Year

September 23, 2013 12:00 pmComments Off on Freshmen Not That Hot This Year
Freshmen Not That Hot This Year

Coming on the heels of an unseasonably cool NSO period, numerous independent sources have confirmed that the men and women in Stanford’s Class of 2017 are simply not as hot as the freshmen classes of previous years. “I always like to hang out near Wilbur and check out the new […]

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Esoteric African Security Buffs Convene on Campus in Logistical Mixup

September 15, 2010 3:36 pmComments Off on Esoteric African Security Buffs Convene on Campus in Logistical Mixup
Esoteric African Security Buffs Convene on Campus in Logistical Mixup

Stanford freshmen arrived on campus Tuesday to find themselves amidst a historical security conference that will forever redefine the meaning of NSO. In what may be the largest misinformed event since Operation Iraqi Freedom, the world of security professionals and hobbyists convened for the first annual conference for remembering the […]

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