Wenesday, October 30

6:55 PM Wednesday: Pumpkin Jack O’Lantern outside Herrin Biology building really scary. Police on scene, updates to follow.

7:23 PM Wednesday: Jack O’Lantern situation resolved with pumpkin taken into custody. Investigation is active and on-going.

Thursday, October 31

10:37 AM: Student dressed as a large blunt apprehended in front of Lagunita Court. Officers on scene determined the costume to be in very poor taste; student was given a warning.

1: 11 PM: Reports of a man with a gun outside of building 10 wearing a black hoodie and black pants. There is no way this has anything to do with it being Halloween.

3:34 PM: Reports of slutty power ranger conspiring to steal a bike near building 380.

3:41 PM: Theft resolved, as bicycle belonged to power ranger. Costume confirmed as slutty by police on-scene.

4:58 PM: Animal call

5:12 PM: Suspect dressed as some unidentified electric or fire type Pokémon sighted urinating in public. Suspect escaped on foot. Anyone with information connected to the incident encouraged to speak with police.

6:23 PM: Suspicious reasoning reported on Physics 45 midterm. Investigation is active and on-going.

Friday, November 1

10:44 AM: Suspect reported for suspicious activity in his vehicle in Tressider parking lot. Suspect described as postmodern, egalitarian Hispanic male in early 20s. Suspect was given a citation for engaging a police officer in overly-pretentious conversation.

11:51 PM: Reports of suspect using just the right amount of tongue outside of Sigma Nu. Investigation is active and on-going.

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