Dawsonville, Georgia is a town of 2,536 easygoing souls, best known for attractions like Burt’s Pumpkin Farm and Uncle Shuck’s Corn Maze. This admissions cycle, however, the town has become famous for something other than its “eye-popping” one hundred pound pumpkins! Out of the 2,138 students admitted to Stanford’s Class of 2018, selected using a rigorous holistic process, every single one hailed from Dawsonville.

“I think it’s awful nice of that school to let everyone in like that,” said Carson Albert, a Dawsonville resident and pumpkin farmer. Albert notes that although March 28th, the day an additional 1,390 Dawsonites were admitted to Stanford was “great and all,” it was the annual Moonshine Festival that had everyone’s spirits highest. “They even had that Kona Ice,” Albert added. “You know where you get the shaved ice and pour some flavored syrup up on it. I bet they don’t have that out in California.”

In an effort to explain why every single student from the Class of 2018 comes from Dawsonville, Georgia, a Stanford admissions officer told reporters, “We always look to find applicants who best represent the academic vitality and passion for creation that Stanford holds so dear. This year, every single one of those came from Northern Georgia, specifically Dawsonville.” The admissions officer added that the class also was a tapestry of diversity and unique talents, with experience ranging from agricultural internships at Burt’s Pumpkin Farm to employment as Appalachian pumpkin salesmen.

The lion’s share of the townspeople plan to enroll here at Stanford, barring favorable weather for the upcoming pumpkin season. Although there have been complaints about the long drive out to Stanford, most of the Dawsonville admits agree that it will be worth it to “see that place where they make all those Google searches.”

As of press time, Dawsonville resident Mitch Gordon was seen using his Stanford acceptance letter as a wrapper for his Blooming Onion.

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