Boehner the Epitome of Class at State Of The Union

February 3, 2014 12:01 pm
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Boehner the Epitome of Class at State Of The Union

WASHINGTON, DC–At this year’s State of the Union address, Speaker of the House John Boehner looked past his differences with President Obama to present a united front to the American people.

Sitting directly behind the President, Boehner reinforced Obama’s message with supportive coughs, pursing his lips with encouragement.  Every so often, he made sure to check his watch to let the President know how he was doing on time, being the team player that he is.  Though it was clearly a hardship for him, the Speaker pointedly stifled his yawns so as to not distract from Obama’s moment, and appears to have learned to sleep with his eyes open, which no doubt required hours of selfless practice for just this one occasion.  The slight readjustment of his testicles was a testament to the closeness the two have developed over the past three years.  It was really a delight to see him bonding with the President, laughing whole-heartedly at his joke about “fixing” the health care system, and rolling his eyes upward as if to say, “God himself could not give a better speech than this.”

The Speaker’s graceful performance makes him a kind of unsung hero of the SOTU. Boehner went above and beyond to demonstrate a partnership with the President, even tweeting a picture of Obama from his chair, a gentle reminder to his Twitter followers of who the real man of the hour was. When reached for comment, Boehner demurely stated, “Yeah yeah clap clap. Whatever,” keeping his comments as brief and concise as possible. It seems that even now he would rather keep the spotlight on his longtime political rival and, perhaps, friend.

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