LOS ANGELES, CA—In a motel just outside downtown LA, Justin Bieber has reportedly filmed himself injecting a large dose of heroin into his bloodstream. His publicist, Melissa Victor, issued a statement about this controversial action early this morning:

“Miley Cyrus was the subject of so much attention when she was filmed taking that hit of salvia out of her friend’s bong,” stated Victor, “her stock just went way up, since people saw that video and said, ‘hey, that girl is actually living out her promises of going to parties in the USA. She’s a real loose cannon and an intriguing figure’. Justin doesn’t really get that kind of attention; in fact, a lot of people see him as a pretty-boy wimp. We had to instill some of that badass image into him, and I thought that the most sensible way to do that was to leak videos of him shooting heroin.”

The musical sensation and tween heartthrob could not be reached for comment because he is currently passed out facedown on his couch.

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