Sexually Confused Electrical Engineering Major Receives Mixed Signals 

January 15, 2014 9:00 am
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Sexually Confused Electrical Engineering Major Receives Mixed Signals 

Electrical Engineering Sophomore Stuart Robertson found himself befuddled last Friday afternoon over a curious interaction in Packard, which may have been more than he had originally expected. Upon entering the lab, Robertson instantly took note of the unusually charged atmosphere that appeared to be emanating from his regular lab bench. “I looked over, and my heart nearly stopped,” Stuart said. “Those shorts—just, wow.” Experiencing an uncharacteristic surge of confidence, he attempted to approach his target, but was met with a staggeringly high resistance. Not one to be discouraged, Stuart quickly changed his current approach, carefully metering out his rather circuitous dialogue. “It seemed to work,” Stuart commented, “I got some digits, but when I tried to use them later, I hit tons of impedance. What gives?”

Stuart’s roommate, Jack Anderson was passing by the lab when this event occurred. “Seriously, it’s revolting what Stuart was trying to do,” Anderson said. “Doesn’t he realize that people only have a 5% tolerance on that kind of crap?” As amped up as Stuart was that afternoon, the most recent negative feedback weighed heavily on his demeanor. Stuart bemoaned, “I just don’t get it. These reactions flip-flop so much, I just don’t know whether to keep going or not. We would have so much potential.” At publication time, Stuart has discharged himself from the Electrical Engineering department, citing crossed wires as his reason for leaving the field.