Op-Ed: Help Me, I’m Trapped In a Piece of Paper

February 9, 2015 12:00 pm
Views: 144
Op-Ed: Help Me, I’m Trapped In a Piece of Paper

Hey! Over here!!! Yes, you. Do you read me? It’s so difficult to write backwards. No, wait, come back! Don’t go read the puzzles! One of the answers is parchment! It’s parchment, dammit! Trust me, I’ve had a long time to think about it. Listen, I don’t know who you are but you have to help me. My name is Roger Fleming. I’m a sophomore at Stanford University. My parents are George and Hilda Fleming, please contact them and tell them I’m alright. I don’t even know how long it’s been, or how I got here.

The last thing I remember I was fixing the printer… I guess that doesn’t matter now, what matters is that you are here and we are going to find a way out of this. Okay, let’s think. There has to be a way out. Maybe if you shake the paper—ow! No! St-op! AAGH!

Okay, bad idea. New plan: you’re going to have to take me to the nearest printer and feed the paper through it backwards, maybe the printing reversal will-wait! Where are you going? Come back! You can’t just leave me here! Like your class is so important that you can’t help a man in great danger! I’m running out of room on the page and there’s something very important I have to tell-