I’m not one to toot my own horn, but I’m generally a pretty decent person. I pay my taxes, retrieve cats from trees, and I’ve even rescued people from burning buildings. There are few feats of daring that I won’t attempt, and there are even fewer people that I don’t like. There’s only one person in the world can get my spandex in a twist, and unfortunately, I live with him. There’s no getting around the fact that he’s after me. He snores like a bullhorn, he listens to music too loudly when I’m trying to study, he won’t shut off the lights when I go to bed, and he tried to push me into a vat of radioactive liquid while we were fighting on the roof of his castle last week. Worse, I know that bitch is drinking my acai juice in our mini-fridge. Without those anti-oxidants, I’m just can’t fire on all cylinders. He even knows that I’m allergic to lavender, and yet he insists on having a lavender air freshener in the room at all times. It’s like he’s trying to make me sick and dizzy.

He copies my homework and cheats on his exams in all the classes we have together, so he’s coasting through Spring Quarter. And to top it all off, he swooped in on this super cute girl I had been eyeing all night at KA and I had to listen to them do it in our room while I pretended to already be asleep. Guess she likes bad boys. He’s ruining my life, and I WILL stop him…as soon as I escape from this block of ice he’s frozen me in. God, what an asshole.

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