After a summer of violent outbreaks and public awareness campaigns, Junior Sam Lewis returns to campus completely sapped of all his moral outrage. From the protests in Ferguson to the escalating violence in the Middle East and the spread of Ebola in West Africa, Lewis simply cannot muster up the energy to opine about the troubles of the world.

“I’m just one person,” Lewis exhaustedly explained to the Flipside when he returned to campus on Sunday. “One person can only come up with so much outrage over the state of our civilization before they give themselves an ulcer.”

Lewis’s fatigue was becoming apparent to the many fervent followers of his Facebook harangues. Their concern for his stamina emerged when he was unable to comment on the Ray Rice debacle, and just simply posted the article unaccompanied, provoking an immediate outcry over his mental state.

Said Lewis, “All I have to say is, thank God I’m back at Stanford, almost entirely shielded from current events! I am turning off my New York Times push notifications and taking some much needed R-and-R.”

At press time, Lewis was seen attempting to stay calm over the state of dining hall food.

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