Frosh council unveiled the location of the upcoming formal dance, tactfully held the day right after Valentine’s day, which shouldn’t be awkward at all. The romantic evening will begin with a bus ride out to San Francisco, and then a ferry across the water to the infamous island prison. Upon arrival, students will be greeted with themed snacks, including bread crusts and thin soup, soap whittled into the shape of tiny sandwiches, and corn dogs skewered on sharpened toothbrushes.

When they’ve eaten, the young party-goers can choose to go on a guided tour through the exercise yard, a great opportunity to cuddle up to that special someone for warmth under the soft moonlight. Alternatively, there will be a space to talk in the warden’s office and a dance floor in the former delousing room. The thought of hundreds of prisoners stripped, sprayed with louse-poison, and hosed down is expected to add a raunchy atmosphere to the boogie. Although the decision is untraditional, students have expressed eager approval. “There’s a lot of rooms, ya know?” Explained Freshman Stu Warden. “I’m looking forward to learning about the history of Al CaBone,” he said, winking obnoxiously.

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